How Blogging and Instagram are Killing Me and Building Me Up at the Same Time – Part 1

When I First Started Blogging and Instagram…

Trying to become a blogger/instagrammer is hard work and it can be a real mental and emotional struggle too. When I first set out to blog, I did it to conquer my fears of failure – to try something new. My natural tendency would be to only try if I thought I would succeed. I knew God was calling me to take a leap of faith, so I did. Not fully realizing what I was getting myself into, I set up a blog. Slowly but surely, I started to realize all of the work involved in blogging and Instagram!

However, there were several obstacles along the way. All of them have to do with ME! Blogging and Instagram have revealed several things about me along the way. These things have always been inside me…character flaws, sin, that may have affected me, but I didn’t see as a problem until now. I viewed these character flaws as harmless before, now I realize they are deadly.

What Blogging and Instagram Revealed About ME:

1. I care way too much about what people think. This has been a HUGE obstacle for me. I never realized how much I cared about what people thought of me until I started this journey.
   • Telling people about my blog and instagram – Initially, I didn’t want to tell anyone that I started blogging or Instagram. I intentionally didn’t attach a name to my account because I didn’t want people I know to find out I had a page. I was scared they would see my Instagram and judge me. They might look at my Instagram and think, “Who does she think she is? She ain’t no blogger!” or “Seriously, these photos are terrible!”
   • Taking photos in public – It can be really awkward to take pictures in public. Initially, it felt super uncomfortable and I wanted it to end as soon as possible. I thought, “What if people walking by think I’m vain?” Or, “What if they are wondering what I’m doing and think…she looks like a nobody?!” “Who does she is taking photos of herself?!”
2. I’m a crazy perfectionist. This has also been a HUGE obstacle in becoming a blogger/instagrammer!
   • Instagram Grid – I didn’t want to post any photos to my Instagram because I thought they weren’t “Instagram-worthy”/perfect. Because I didn’t have the “perfect” picture for Instagram, I wouldn’t post, which means no content! Why would someone follow me when there is no content?!
   • Photo Content and Editing – I don’t have a good eye for photography, so the content in the photo seemed awkward and the editing was even worse. I was reluctant to post pictures if they weren’t in natural light. Plus, it’s hard to get pictures when my hubby and I work opposite schedules, so there was no one to take a photo of me. As a result, many days would go by where I didn’t post a photo! But what happens when you don’t post? You don’t get better at developing an eye for photography or develop photo editing skills!
   • Blogging – I wanted to write the perfect blog post that perfectly captured my thoughts/feelings…but there was so much anticipation that I would procrastinate and not write anything! How could I ever become a “blogger” without content? Plus, when do you stop editing?! When do you hit publish?!
3. I’m a terrible “girl boss” or “boss babe”!  Perusing Instagram, I often see #girlboss, #bossbabe. At one point, this irritated me. I thought, why would people who are self-employed refer to themselves as a “boss babe “?! Now, I know why…
   • Self-management – Managing yourself is way harder than managing someone else! Seriously, I thought my last manager was hard to work with, but I am way worse!
   • Me as a Boss – I have unrealistic expectations, am ridiculously critical, and frequently self-condemn! I am unclear about what I want, I provide no training period, and I expect results! I tell myself, “You’re doing A, B, C…. Yet you have only increased by 2 followers! What’s your problem?! What are you doing wrong?!” “What?! You’ve only been at this for two weeks and you don’t see any results?! Well, that’s two weeks too long!!”
4. Body Image – I used to be relatively comfortable with my body. Of course, there were and are things I’m not a huge fan of, but I came to accept them.
   • The Camera –  When you are constantly getting pictures taken of yourself, it changes the way your see your body because LITERALLY, the camera lens changes and distorts your body. Suddenly, I would look at myself and think, “Why do I look so short and squat? Is that what I actually look like?! Is that what people see when they look at me?!”
5. Comparing Myself to Others. I didn’t think I had an issue with comparing myself to others, but now I realize I do!
   • My Body – this is related to body image above but a little different. I didn’t really compare my body to other people’s until I became more active on Instagram. All of a sudden, I started to think it was normal for people to have six-pack abs, killer legs, and a perfectly sculpted body! I thought to myself, “Wow, how do they get bodies like that? Do they just lead more disciplined lives? Should I be working out and dieting too?”
   • Popularity – I am naturally a very results-driven person. It’s hard for me to work at something and not see results. On my own, this is very difficult to deal with…but then when you’re in the company of millions on Instagram and you can see everyone else’s numbers… it can get disheartening! I find myself asking, “How come they got so many likes on that post and I only got 100?” “How is it that they have 10,000 followers and I only have 1,000?” Comparing becomes a way for me to measure my own success or lack thereof. At the end of the day it just leads to depression!

Reality Check!

Realistically, all of these issues always existed inside of me, but I didn’t think they were really a problem before. But after I started blogging and Instagram, all of a sudden, these character flaws posed as huge constraints. I mean seriously, I felt enslaved by my perfectionism. I try to post daily, but would procrastinate the entire day until the end of the night because I knew I didn’t have a “perfect picture.” Then, I would scroll through all my pictures for the day and reject pretty much all of them. Realizing I now had no pictures to choose from, I would settle on 1-2. Then, I would take 30 minutes to edit the photos, get frustrated and dissatisfied, and end up not posting! This went on for several months…

I see Instagram killing me in two ways.

1. Instagram revealed these character flaws that are killing me. They have always prevented my growth, I just never realized it until now. Now, I see how everyday, these sins enslave me and prevent me from doing very basic blogging and Instagram tasks!
2. Instagram and blogging revealing these character flaws and sin in me is one way God is making me die to myself. He is saying, “How long can you live like this! You can’t! Just die already!” What do I mean by that?

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. ” – Philippians 1:21 NIV

It is way more profitable for me to die to myself so that Christ may live in me. God doesn’t want me to live a life enslaved to sin.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. – Galatians 2:20 NIV

When I became a Christian, I was crucified with Christ. This means, my fleshly, sinful, and old nature should be dead. “I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.”  That sinful self needs to die…because Christ lives in me! “The life I now live in the body, I live by faith…” Now, the life I live should be lived out by faith! not fear! not sin! not death!

Next up, you can read about how Instagram and Blogging have built me up!

Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with how Instagram and Blogging have affected you.

-Mel!

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